#out and its looming up and im so tired. i dont even want to go but i already said yes and its for a group project
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#sometimes u have a day thats just so. i cant even. its seems 2023 is my year of rage#directionless rage. i guess im mad at me but instead of being directed inward it just goes out into empty space#im just fucking. im at my saturation point#its a good thing i stopped taking measurements yesterday and went to the store tomorrow bc im so fucking#mostly bc i noticed a problem with the code for a paper that is fucking less than a day away from being locked in on acceptance#and now its like fucking i have to go through and change a lot and im also less than 48hrs away from another massive project starting#that will occupy my whole fucking waking nightmare of a life. so its a good thing im level headed. its a good thing i can accept my fuck#ups with honestly. bc im so fucking. ive had it. im up to fucking here with everything and i just want it to be done#im fucking full of bitterness and black bile and i want to break things. and whose fault is it? fucking mine#bc im too fucking exhausted constantly all the time to fucking pay attention to what im doing and notic that a fucking function isnt#working properly. fuck u fuck u fuck u. so what r we gonna do abt it?#idk well see what my boss says. i already texted her that news and its good bc at least i caught it but god its so fucking irritating#god. will i b told off for this? maybe. i probably deserve it. haha if so that will send me for an absolute tailspin. i cannot stand to#feel ive done something wrong. even when i kno i have. last time i had a total freakout meltdown and made v bad choices and that wasnt even#this bad. so its a good thing im currently fairly stable bc the desire to make bad choices is very strong#im just so sick and tired of everything and i want to let things implode bc im vindictive against myself. but we must not do that we must#be reasonable. so idk we may have to withdraw the paper. whatever i dont give a fuck. itll get accepted elsewhere. i dont fucking care#leave me alone to dissolve into the dirt and set my data ablaze to be helpful to no one. erase my Prospective impack. i don't fucking care#anyway today sucked. i might have to stay up all night trying to fix this. ensuring that i fuck up the start of the looming project yayyyyy#i hate it here. i stopped having fun over a year ago#itll b fine. im just fucking. im full im impotent rage#unrelated
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now i dont normally take requests, but i have been thinking of making a male version of the stressed out reader fic so when someone commented they wanted one, i did it BAHAHAHAHA
its nice to be able to write again!!! i dont have much shit to do, so im kind of just… lazing around
simon had been watching you from the couch for the better part of the evening, his eyes narrowing every time you sighed, hunched over your desk with a glare fixed on your laptop screen. your shoulders were tense, your fingers flying across the keyboard, but he could see the frustration etched into every movement. it wasn’t just the work getting to you—it was the way you obsessed over every detail, pushing yourself harder than necessary.
he couldn’t stand it.
the more you worked, the more he noticed every little sign of stress that built up in your body—the way your brows furrowed, your posture slumped, your leg bounced with restless energy. you were driving yourself to the edge, and simon wasn’t going to let you go any further.
“you’re gonna burn yourself out, mate,” he finally said, his voice cutting through the quiet room.
you didn’t even look up from the screen. “i’m fine, simon. just need to get this done,” you muttered, your tone clipped, the exhaustion laced in every word.
simon wasn’t having it. “no, you’re not,” he growled softly, rising from the couch and moving toward you with purposeful strides. “you’ve been sitting there for hours. haven’t moved, haven’t eaten, haven’t taken a break. this isn’t ‘fine,’ and you know it.”
you blinked, glancing up at him, finally taking notice of his presence as he loomed over you, his broad frame casting a shadow across your desk. there was something in his eyes, something dark and possessive that sent a shiver down your spine, but you were too tired to fully register what it meant.
“simon, i just need to finish this—”
he didn’t let you finish your sentence. without a word, his hands gripped the arms of your chair, pulling it away from the desk with a force that made your heart skip a beat. before you could protest, his hands were on your waistband, yanking your sweatpants and boxers down in one swift motion, exposing your already semi-hard cock to the cool air.
“fuck—simon, what the hell?” you gasped, your head spinning from the sudden shift in mood. but the way his eyes darkened as he dropped to his knees between your legs told you exactly what was about to happen.
“you need to relax,” he growled, his voice low and commanding. “and i’m gonna make sure you do.”
you opened your mouth to protest, to tell him you didn’t need this right now, but the words died on your lips as his large hands gripped your thighs, spreading your legs wide. simon didn’t waste any time—his mouth was on you in an instant, his tongue dragging a slow, deliberate line along the underside of your cock, sending jolts of pleasure straight to your core.
“fuck,” you groaned, your head falling back against the chair, your hands gripping the armrests as your body reacted to his touch. simon’s mouth was hot, wet, and relentless as he worked his tongue along your length, teasing the sensitive skin until you were rock hard in his mouth.
he didn’t stop there.
with a low growl, simon’s hand slid up your thigh, his fingers brushing against your balls before moving lower, pressing against the tight ring of muscle between your cheeks. the touch was unexpected, and you jolted in the chair, a gasp escaping your lips as he teased your hole with slow, deliberate circles.
“simon—” you started, but he cut you off with a sharp flick of his tongue over the head of your cock, making you cry out.
“just let me take care of you,” he murmured against your skin, his deep voice vibrating through your cock and sending waves of pleasure straight to your gut.
you bit your lip, trying to suppress the moan building in your throat as simon’s fingers pushed against your entrance, one thick digit slipping inside you with ease. the stretch was immediate, but the slickness of his spit made it easier, and soon, you were panting, your hips bucking against his mouth as he fingered you slowly.
“so tight,” he growled, his voice rough with lust. “always so fucking tight for me.”
he worked his finger deeper, curling it inside you until he found that sweet spot, that bundle of nerves that made you see stars. your back arched off the chair, a loud moan ripping from your throat as he pressed against it, his tongue still swirling around the head of your cock, teasing you with just enough pressure to keep you on edge.
“fuck—simon, i can’t—” you gasped, your hands flying to the back of his head, your fingers tangling in his short hair as you tried to ground yourself. the combination of his mouth on your cock and his finger inside you was too much, too overwhelming. your body was trembling, every nerve on fire as he worked you over.
“you can,” he growled, adding a second finger, the stretch making you cry out as he pumped them in and out of you, scissoring them to open you up. “you’re gonna take it, just like this. you need it, don’t you?”
you nodded frantically, unable to form words as the pleasure built inside you, your hips rocking against his mouth and fingers as he brought you closer and closer to the edge.
“good boy,” he muttered, his voice thick with approval. “gonna make you come so fucking hard.”
his words sent a thrill through you, your cock twitching in his mouth as he increased the pace of his fingers, fucking you harder now, deeper, pressing against that spot inside you that made your vision blur with pleasure.
“simon, i’m—i’m close,” you panted, your breath coming in short, ragged gasps as your body tensed, the coil of pleasure tightening in your belly.
he didn’t stop. his fingers curled inside you, his mouth sucking hard on your cock, and it was too much, too fucking good. with a strangled cry, you came, your body trembling as the orgasm ripped through you, your release spilling into his mouth as he sucked you dry.
you were shaking, your body limp in the chair as simon finally pulled away, his fingers sliding out of you with a slick, wet sound. he stood, towering over you, his eyes dark and predatory as he wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.
“feeling better now?” he asked, his voice rough, but there was a smug smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.
you nodded weakly, still trying to catch your breath. “yeah… fuck, that was—”
“good,” he interrupted, his tone firm as he leaned down, pressing a quick, possessive kiss to your lips. “now, take a bloody break.”
#call of duty#call of duty x reader#cod mw2 x reader#cod mw2#cod#cod mwii#cod x reader#call of duty smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader smut#x male reader#ghost x male reader#simon riley x male reader#simon ghost riley x male reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley smut
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I've been into Non-Dualism for a while now, though not extensively. Previously, I was deeply involved in the Law of Assumption community. Then, I stumbled upon ND. It felt like a breath of fresh air, so liberating. I've consumed all sorts of ND content, from every nook and cranny of the internet. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster, this journey of slowly "detaching from ego".
Recently, something happened that sent me on a over-consumption, while trying to convince myself that "hey, it's okay". Honestly, I'm tired of reading without a clear sense of what steps to take. I've tried all sorts of techniques to loosen the grip of ego, but my mind keeps circling back to these issues, almost like they're haunting me. I get it, it's ego at play, but the anxiety attacks still hit hard.
I hope I'm not coming across as too demanding, I'm just genuinely seeking guidance in the best way possible. What more can I do?
There's so much conflicting advice out there. Some say understanding isn't crucial, it's just the ego making a fuss. Others suggest a slow process of self-inquiry, questioning what the ego is asserting and coming back to our core. It's left me feeling a bit bewildered and frankly, drained. I'm at a loss, just wanting a reset that brings some peace.
I get that Non-Dualism is supposed to be about simplicity and shouldn't bring about these feelings. But right now, I feel like I've got a full plate. My mom's financial situation hasn't been great, and I'm really anxious about her having to bear too much of a burden. Letting go of the desire to change my current circumstances is terrifying. What if letting go only means things stay the same or get worse? The pressure to make a change feels like it's closing in.
When people say "let it be" or advise to step back from actively trying to fix things, I'm left scratching my head. How do you navigate challenges by just letting them be? I feel defeated and just want to feel free. I'm scared about what the end of the week, or worse, the end of the month, might look like if I'm still stuck in this uncertainty. I've got a decent grasp of these concepts on an intellectual level, but when the day passes and I whisper "I AM" to myself, I struggle to truly feel it. It's like I'm held back by the limitations of this physical form.
I'm on the edge of giving up on chasing after achievements. Ego sometimes feels like this looming, scary presence. What I really want is to shed all of this weight, be kinder to myself, and find a path that leads to genuine freedom. What's the next step? What should I do? I want to stop trying, or figuring out.
Thanks a ton for taking the time to read this through. I've been following your blog and I really appreciate the kindness you bring to your community. Wishing you a great day ahead.
love im afraid in all of that reading, you missed the entire point. the point of non dualism is to free you from the human condition. you dont use non dualism to navigate the human condition it doesnt exist in the first place.
remember everything is you. you are consciousness. everything else is fake and its only the ego that deems it as real.
ignore it. its not real. who cares?
that’s how i live “life”. i dont confirm nor deny anything real or fake whenever circumstances arise cuz its ALL FAKE. the only existing thing is me. even when i think about “me” its not even “me” doing it. its the ego. the ego answers the question of who you are while you as CONSCIOUSNESS know what you are. the ego cant really grasp this so i don’t see a reason in trying to make it
i picture it as inner child = ego “grown up” = consciousness. the inner child is scared and confused. just wants to be safe and do any and everything to be safe, even if they think they know what theyre doing or that theyre in control. its not. its fake. be the adult in the situation and take control. understanding the ego is probably throwing a temper tantrum so let it cry itself to sleep. everything they thought that was soooo important they’ll forget when they wake up. so its not real anyway. you can relax you got this <3
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i wish i could just do things in our house.
everyone complains about this that and the other, but when i come up with solutions its immediately dismissed as "too difficult" "too much effort" "not worth it"
im sitting here, volunteering to put in the effort to change, and all of them are staying stagnant and not letting me even do anything on my own.
i have a whole plan on how to fix some of our problems, but i cant do them because "thats too much" "[mom is] too busy"
if i could go through and get rid of some of the old toys in the guest room, most of which are donation viable, and turn the guest room back into mom's hub of operations for work then i could move the stuff from the front room into the guest room bc most of its hers or trash or donate, and then i could move dad computer and pinball machine into the front room and get back that entire section of the office back for myself and others to do homework and projects comfortably with dad.
it would fix my problem of needing an upstairs space that i can hang out with other people in while not wanting to stab someone bc of the tv being too loud, it would fix dad's problem of a messy office bc the bighest problems would be moved, it would fix mom's need for her own space that got taken over by the kids where she hasn't enforced that it's her space to begin with so of course the kids are gonna take advantage of spaces to play in since that's all they've been given.
no, it doesn't fix my sibling's need for a larger room, but honestly? tough shit! they are the one who chose to get pets and honestly dont clean up after them well enough. theres also lots of ways to give them more space but whenever i voice my ideas its "thats so much effort tho" "that takes too long" "that doesnt fix my problem immediately in a way that makes everything stay exactly the same bc i'm resistant to change so i dont want to do that!"
im just. so tired. i just want a place i can comfortably be. i want a place i can comfortably exist. i want to be around people i love but. i cant stay here with them. stagnant, unwilling to change, unwilling to break the cycle of depression looming over all of us.
we are all hella depressed, and its not just because we all have a genetic predisposition. it doesnt help sure, but everyone here is so resitant to change that they all stew in their own thoughts letting them burn on the bottom of the pot instead of stirring things up once in a while.
even if it cant make everyone happy, isnt a some change that makes some people happy still worth it? why make the whole class suffer?
#vent#rant#family vent#family rant#depression rant#depression vent#i want to leave#to go somewhere#anywhere#but theres no where to go#no where to run away to#my safety and my despair is here
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ode to fish lady, for my childhood
im depressed everyone. allow ke to explain why. i w
okay. i went to the store. fish lady looming st me through the window. like i mean her HEAD IS IN A TUB OF GLASS. there is a little bit of seaweed in there
kind of like thom york in that
music video. where he looms like hes suffering greatly for no apparent reason and his face starts to annoy you
her face is disgruntled i know shes judging me bc i have a toohat on and shes got a fish head and like. i dunno. life isnt fair. ive got a bunny rabbit in here thats my child self's bunny, who is lost amd chases stars on the street. and hes my favorite he reminds me of easter and things making sense when i was small
i glare at this bitchass fish lady. and i also motice that she has very large boobs. like you could be wrapped in them
anyways i broke eyecontact (after she looked away first cyz im not a pussy) and i got my fuckin. salami. and all my little college student snacks to tife me over and eat like a little rat.
i miss how id eat snacks with my best friend in the park, when we were in higschool. things were simpler. wed sit on the grass and construct the toys in the kinder egg candy. wed roam the city and wed get tired and wed want to talk at night and wed call through the day, about how we felt, what our lives were,
wed flirt and wed hurt each other.
i go up to fish lady who turns out to be the cashier. i think cashiers hate me. this fact is exacerbated by the fact that i always find a way to look as fucking clueless as possible. she glares at me but tell me to have a nice day
i like her. little bit. ive got my back on my back and i take it off and go inside. i feel like a kid today. i feel like lost like how i did when i felt more, most, everywhere, exploding, incessantly growing out of my own skin. i still felt like a little shell when i was in highschool like that. like so small.
my hat is sagging behind me as i walk
its dragging on the damn sidewalk
is salami a good enough replacement for kinder eggs.
do i get out of gnawing on salami what i got out of the kinder eggs??? do i care enough? if i got a kinder egg now. im pretty sure that it would be less nice as it was before with my best friend ever,
lately ive been wrenched away, a little sideways. where stuff aint the same, where im unavoidably growing
this salami is making me think different
when i was little i loved things that were perfectly ordinary. exactly right. i loved it. i followed , with t shirts over long sleeves so i felt just right.
with my bunny just right. things in line. with a fiery attitude that somehow countered all that. isa, my sibling being too nice
and then i GREW AGAIN. so suddenly to make me cry! theres an owl ina tree calling softly for my past self. the owl that everyone loved. it was everyones owl. and jow how am i in new uyork with a new ideneity i dont even know, without myself but clearly uanging on to a past version of me.
and im in new york and im jn new york and i wish i had a ling top hat that dragged on the ground with my star chasing bunny and my kinder eggs and my long sleeves my scooter my toys, my isa.
annd now isas gone
and im quite sad
and im sitting out . on the edge of the morning, typing to myself . wish i could say rains bangin on the window but really theres not the sound of honking and my roommates sleeping, and the vents working and , ill wake up again in three hours,
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Body Swap Diaries: Ryan
I have been Jay Cutler for years and even won the Olympia, but while this body is still in pristine form, thanks to the decades of training and diet knowledge I’ve accumulated throughout the years swapping with powerful men like Arnold schwarchzenneger (even jumpstarting his acting career.) i feel its time for a younger body.
I original plan was to swap bodies with already muscular and famous actor Chris Hemsworth but I learned that another rival body swapper already made his body his own, so I aimed for someone unknown but with fairly big enough social media following, and came across Ryan. He was a student who loves bodybuilding but recently wanted to try out a body building conpetition. I DM’d the young man man he excitedly said yes; loving and excited with the prospect of being coached by an olympian winner.
I was in awe the first time i saw Ryan. His body is strong and conditioned, his face chiseled and handsome, and his towering figure eclipsing my current shorter body.
We started his training, and this young man was pushing himself through everything and giving it his all and i was impressed throughout our time together even during the night before the competition and the night of the swap.
Its during this time when the body is fatigued and tired from the competition prep that makes it easier to swap with them. I go to his hotel room and i offer to massage him. I would then whisper to him a spell which will put him in a dreary trance. Ydob hctiws i would chant as our soul and consciousness is transferred to our new bodies.
Ryans new body collapsed on me still in that trance state from the spell, but i easily pushed him off using my new younger body. I look down at hulk of a man that I created throughout the years and then see my new self. Doing bodybuilding poses and admiring my new handsome and younger face, i felt my new dick harden. A look of disappointment when i saw my new below averaged sized dick. The smallest one ive ever had thats for sure i said to myself; nevertheless, i grabbed it and started pumping introducing it to its new master. I loom over ryan; jacking off with one hand, and feeling my old body with the other eventually moving down and stroking Cutler’s cock. Ryan moaned which made me stroke my new cock faster. Ryans new dick got hard to its full 7 inches, and I smile knowing that cutler’s body still recognizes its old owner. I feel myself reaching my limit as I moaned loudly and squirted cum all over myself and Ryan.
I lay there tasting my new cum as Ryans memories fill my head while the old Ryan becomes assimilated with Jay Cutler. I go to the bathroom to clean myself up while admiring my new handsome face, and then i hear Ryan waking up.
“Hey coach you fell asleep, i didn’t wanna wake ya, and its not like i could carry you to your room.”
“Shit really. Sorry about…. Ummm Ryan” he shakes his. Seems like the assimilation isnt complete. “ im gonna just umm go my room and sleep this headache off.” He said standing up. “Oh and dont forget tomorrow! Its your big day! So give it your all” he said as he left the room”
“No problem coach” He leaves and i lay on my bed looked through his own phone and familiarizing myself with my new life, and then eventually drifting to sleep.
The next day was the bodybuilding competition and I easily won the contest. I always loved the cheer of the crowd especially when your old body is cheering you on oblivious of his stolen life and body.
I look to the crowd smiling… I am Ryan i say to myself excited for my new life.
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Just like you
Paring:2BDamned x employer!reader
Warning:so much adorable shit, subtle swearing tho
Notes:the employer reader is from @rotshop and this was inspired by a photo they made of the employer reader,2BDamned, and a little baby grunt. Adorable shit. Would have made this a while back but i was frankly to lazy lol.
So ya employer reader and doc being parents to a baby grunt. Enjoy :3
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How long has it been now? Weeks? Months? A year? Time can be a bit of a blur after the suns disappearance, you can lose track of how many days it has been as the sky always remained that dark red hue. Even if a long time as passed you can still recall the same events that happened some time ago.
You had joined hank,sanford, and deimos on a raid, no reason in particular you just wanted to come along. A tingling feeling that something will happen, uncertain if it was the feeling of impending doom looming over your head, or something far different. Whatever it was you wanted to be present for it, a change you wouldn't want to miss after endless raiding and passing out from the random drops in temperatures as of late. Damn your cold bloodedness...
The building you all came across was empty, almost barren much to hanks dismay. Dust and cobwebs littered about with some knocked over desks,chairs, and broken lab equipment. Deimos and sanford wandered to the next room to find supplies on the right and hank went up ahead to a room across the entrance,normally you would follow hank or the duo but decided to go on your own for a change of pace and go to the room on the left.
The lights in the room flickers, barely holding onto the ceiling from their age but they still did their purpose. Despite the flickering you can still see everything fine, you didnt see nothing special at 1st just knocked over tables and a dry blood covered vending machine until in your peripheral vision you saw something move.
You was not alarmed or afraid, the thing looked small, almost the size of a mouse compared to you it couldn't possibly be anything harmful. Yet something told you to check what it was, silently you wandered over to where it moved, behind a bar that was in the room with broken glass all around. When you peeked over to see what it was you saw a grunt, it was smaller then a average, one less then half of the size of one. A small child...
"Hello" you said as calmly as you can muster, a jump and a small squeal was the childs response before it cowers and starts to cry "go away! Go away scary monster!!" It cried, you did not take offense. A faceless being made of shadow and as tall as you are can scare anyone, even to a poor defenseless child "its ok little one i wont hurt you..." You attempted the calm voice again, you receive no response as the child continued to cry in fear. You wouldn't want to leave it alone, so you waited for the others to find you and stayed out of the childs line of sight so you dont scare it more then you are.
Once the others came you asked sanford or deimos to carry the child to the van, hank scared the child too so you did not bother to ask him. After several minutes deimos managed to pick up the child and you all went on your way back to the HQ...
It did not take a lot to convince 2B to let the child stay, it only took you a simple phrase "i am adopting them, dont stop me" with determination in your tone. He only sighed, frankly a little tired from all the shit the group has gone through and mumbles a "ok" leaving it at that. The child had no name, so you named them with a name that even a employer like yourself would be jealous of but you sometimes still call them little one,because they are.
The child trusted 2b right away, clinging onto him like they saw a monster under the bed...only the monster was you. Whenever you get close to them both the child hugs him and cries, begging him to make the monster go away. 2b tries his best to claim you are not a monster and your not there to hurt them but he's not the very best at consoling people. It does hurt a little to see the child be so afraid but you can understand why too, being new to this parenting life it is difficult to know what to do in these situations...at least 2b had your back in this.
Eventually the child called 2b their "dada" and it just stuck, seeing him as their father. You always grin at this with your human like teeth with sharp canines at how adorable it is, whenever the child sees your teeth they always freeze in place and just stares. At this point no longer crying from fear but still freezes up and stares at you like a deer in headlights, you could not tell if they are getting used to your presence or if they had ran out of tears to cry... Either way you assumed it was progress. Seeing the interactions between 2b and the child warmed your heart, they always eager to help 2b with his work or help put bandaids on hank when he gets mildly injured. They even see sanford,deimos, and hank as their uncles now, such as deimos giving them piggy back rides, sanford drawing with them, hell even hank, the most well known killer in nevada, even had a soft spot for the child, letting them climb on him like a tree.
It was all so incredibly sweet and you was fine with it, even if you are just the big monster under the bed to them you are glad they are happy with a nice family.
....
Now its the present day, with you, doc, and the little one only present at the HQ. Looming over your loves shoulder to see him work on the tablet in his hands and the child is drawing with warn out crayons and ripped paper just a few feet away, the child had gotten more comfortable around you but not by much. They never got startled by you anymore but still stares at you like a deer in headlights when you speak to them, they do talk to you though and still address you as "monster" not as (mother or father or other) and you was alright with it. As long as they are getting better.....
"You are lost in your thoughts again" 2b spoke in the comfortable silence "sorry...just wondering some things" you replied with a sigh, standing up straight no longer looming over his shoulder "ill let you get back to work dear" you said before slowly approaching the child "little one?" You spoke in the same calm tone as before,they looked up at you with the same look as before "are you hungry? Do you need anything...?" You asked kindly, they nod their head looked away for a sec before looking back at your featureless face "noodles?" They asked "sure. Ill get you some" you unintentionally grinned with your spooky like teeth and walked out of the room.
As you was getting the food ready for your child the trio had returned from their raid, hank covered in blood with a large machine gun strapped to his back stomped past you and sanford stuck around with you, deimos is nowhere to be found "where is deimos?" You asked sanford "he picked something up for the kid, so he's looking for them" sanford replied, taking a seat on the kitchen table "good to know" you left the conversation at that taking the ramen noodles and walked back to 2bs office, stopping to see deimos walk out. He waves at you "oh hey s/o" he greets "kid wants to talk to you" he continued before walking past "alright?" Confused you walked inside.
2b is still sitting in his chair with his tablet in hand, nothing seemed to change on his part but the little one seemed very excited and happy. You walked over to the child and crouched down to give them their meal, they took the food and set it down and looked up at you happy. No longer full of fear or that wide eyes look they give "look monster look!" They exclaimed, voice sounding a little muffled showing fake vampire teeth in their mouth "i got sharp teeth like you!" They continued, the words almost hit your heart by how cute it is.
You let out a fake gasp, playing along with them "oh! So scary!" You pretend to be afraid, receiving a little giggle from them "rawr!" They screamed with their hands in front of them like they would attack you "oh no! If only someone came to help!" You continued to pretend and glance at 2b, who looks at you with a unamused look in his eyes "raaawwrrr" the child continued to play "aaahh! Doc! Please help!" You pleaded trying your best to hold back a laugh, with that 2b gets up and walks over and picks up the child "gotcha" 2b announced with a subtle grin under his mask "noooo! I wanna scare monster!" The little one laughed, followed by your chuckling. "Rawr!" The child attempted to scare his father "oh no! They got me!" 2b played along too, still holding the child in his arms. It was so uncharacteristic but so adorable from him, you laughed and grabbed them both in a hug "now i caught both of you" you grinned "aaah! Monster got us!!" The child laughed "whatever shall we do?" 2b chuckled.
The little one looked up at you and patted your empty face with their tiny hands "boo!" They yelled and you faked a yell, let them go, fell backwards, and pretended to be dead on the floor. The child laughed "i defeated the monster!" They praised themselves as 2b set them down with a grin, the child wandered over to you and pat your featureless face again "im big and scary just like monster" they smiled before you reached over to pat their head.
"You sure are little one..."
#madness combat#madcom#2b my beloved#2b x reader#auditor reader#madness combat x reader#madcom x reader#2bdamned#mc 2bdamned#2bdamned my beloved#i am proud of this one#wholesome family bonding#stitchwork stories#employer reader
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hellooo howre you?? i hope youre doing great! id like to request a genshin matchup please ^^
for the age range i would prefer someone pver or 18 please
my pronouns are she/her and id like to be matched with a male character, im an entp and my love languages are gift giving and physical touch (although i have a really hard time expressing my feelings)
as for personality, in a person who sometimes talks a LOT.. like way too much but then i get tired and dont say a word for hours, im usually very energetic and more of a comical relief person hehe and i also love teasing people. for the good traits id say i can get along and understand pretty much anyone, im a very empathetic person and i always try to male everyone happy. for the bad ones id say since im a huge people pleaser i tend to bubble up my emotions and sometimes its hard to control them, i can also be kind of childish at times when im too stressed
for my likes and insterests i wanna say drawing (im going fo art school aadhshe im so happyi really adore it) i love reading a lot and especially about history. i also love rock/metal music and true crime.
for the fluff alphabet letters im gonna say L, O and K
thank you sm!!
Hey there, anon! I’m going to assign you a 🤘for masterlist purposes.
I went back and forth on this one between Kaeya and Albedo. 🤔 Poly Kaebedo maybe?
Ultimately I think you’re just a liiitle bit more compatible with…
Kaeya Alberich!
You know that “we irritating 😂😂😂” meme? That’s you. You’re Mondstadt’s golden couple, but also just a little too much sometimes. 😝 I could see Kaeya initially getting close to you as an information source (since you’re well liked in Mondstadt and seemingly can’t stop yourself from spilling all the hot goss), sticking around because he finds your rambling and childishness cute and enjoys riling you up, and gradually falling in love with your deeply empathetic nature. For whatever reason I don’t see Kaeya being super into metal (though he’ll listen to it and go to shows with you, like a good bf), but I could see him being an extremely troll-y true crime fan.
K is for Kiss
Okay, I’m undoubtedly biased because he’s my favorite, but there’s no way he’s not an amazing kisser, right? Very seductive and playful, perfectly smooth lips, just the right amount of tongue, and he’s also great at using his hands. Like, suggestively rubbing your waist (not too high or low ofc, he’s an honorable Knight of Favonius after all), or maybe trailing a chilly fingertip down the side of your neck. If his kissing technique has a flaw, it’s that he can be a little lacking in genuine passion. But be patient with him, it’s just hard for him to express his true feelings sometimes.
L is for Love Confession
This would be very difficult for Kaeya I think. Like you, he’s used to keeping his emotions locked up tight, but he almost never loses control of them - at least, not where anyone else can see. He has a lot of trauma around losing or being left by people he loves - his bio dad, his adopted dad, his adopted brother, to name a few. There’s also his heavy responsibilities as cavalry captain (/basically one-man FBI of Mondstadt), the looming threat of Khaenri’ah (and what side he’ll choose when that goes down), just so many justifications for keeping you at arm's length. He’ll only confess when it seems like he’s in danger of losing you, and even then part of you may worry he’s just telling you what you want to hear, but he means it.
O is for On Cloud Nine
To most people in Mondstadt Kaeya in love is almost identical to his usual charming self. But you know the three people who notice the biggest change? Venti, Rosaria, and Diluc. Kaeya still spends most of his evenings hanging out in Angel’s Share - that’s actually for work as much as for fun - but he gets drunk less often and rarely stays until closing time now that he has someone to go home to. Diluc thanks you for influencing Kaeya to be a less obnoxious customer (but secretly it’s for making his brother happy 🥲).
Congrats anon, and as a diehard Kaeya simp I hope you’re happy with the result! 😉
For others who may be reading, I’m not taking matchup requests right now, but I do take requests for HCs and drabbles. Please check out my pinned post for more info.
#alphabet matchup event#genshin impact matchup#genshin impact x reader#kaeya x reader#my writing tag
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six. “friends die together”
kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader
(bsd x hq)
tw: mentions of suicide
masterlist. suicide freak!
kenma slowly opened his eyes. the dim rays of the sun were slowly peeking through his bedroom window as he stretched and rolled around his bed, wrapping himself up in a blanket burrito as he felt his eyes slowly fluttering close once again.
it had been atleast a week since he's actually gotten sleep, and now he's just trying to relish in the feeling of rest before he completely disregards it again.
all of a sudden, his phone rang.
"what the.." he mumbled with a groan
it was currently five in the morning, and he knew kuroo was smart enough not to call him. especially since kenma would usually just be gaming or would just straight up ignore him.
"hello?" he muttered to the phone, not bothering to check the ID
"good morning!" y/n's chirpy la-di-da voice resonated from the phone
immediately, kenma groaned and rolled his eyes. he had to fight the urge of hanging up the phone then and there.
"what do you want? and why are you calling me so early in the morning?" kenma asked
"now, now! don't be so stingy kenma-kun!" she laughed "i just wanted to check up on ya, that's all" she said, followed by soft humming of a melody
kenma blinked as he groggily listened to her words. "oh. okay.."
"thanks for that, i guess.." he said
"aww! your voice is all deep and gravelly in the morning! very hot." she chirped
kenma sighed. he could practically sense the stupid flirty smile appearing on her face. "and you sound oh so happy. as always." kenma chirped back sarcastically
a small smile grazed his lips as she started laughing on the other line.
"oh, kenma! you're so funny!" she chuckled "when have i ever been happy?"
"wait what-"
"anyways, kenma-kun.." she trailed off, her cheerful tone now dropped as an eerily serious and guarded one replaced it.
"y-yes?" kenma gulped
"im afraid im in a tight spot as we speak. its quite critical. please come to the location i will send you." she spoke in a monotonous tone
"huh? wait!" kenma exclaimed. he sat up on his bed, subconsciously reaching for his nekoma jacket which was messily laid out on the foot of his bed. "what are you talking about?" he asked, his hands were shaking, as well as his voice.
"its a crisis! only you can help!" she said
"okay. i-i'll be there.."
humming under her breath, y/n patiently waited for kenma to arrive. she didn't have so much faith at first, but once she heard the soft thumping of feet on the ground, she grinned.
"w-what happened?" kenma asked through ragged breaths as he skidded to a halt infront of her "a-and what are you wearing?" kenma asked
he took notice of her rather formal attire, laying underneath the sand colored coat she had. his brows then shot up as he calmed his ragged breathing.
"is this because of your weird detective work thing? did you get trapped?" kenma asked worriedly. when she didn't answer, he simply panicked even more. "why did you call me?! you should've called those other detective people!" kenma exclaimed
"i got in myself" she admitted with a small innocent smile
"what?" kenma deadpanned, now starting to regret running atleast eight blocks just to help her
"well, you see.. i heard there's a way to commit suicide by getting stuck in an oil drum. so i decided to give it a shot" she said with the same innocent smile. she then chuckled sheepishly as she started sinking deeper into the oil drum.
"but now that i've wedged myself in this deep, i can't get out on my own" she said
kenma simply stared her down, looking unamused, tired and annoyed. "i see." he says
"i think i might die" she pouted as she sank deeper into the drum.
kenma grunted and sat on the ground, sitting a few feet from the drum she was stuck in. he was kind of impressed on how her whole body hadn't snapped in two yet.
"well, isn't that what you wanted?" kenma said with a huff of annoyance
"i like suicide" she said with a scoff, sounding somewhat offended "but i don't like suffering and pain! why would i?"
"i see" kenma said with a sigh. he sat up from the ground and narrowed his eyes, trying to look for a way to free her from the oil drum
"also, i learned this only after i stuffed myself in here, but it wasn't even a suicide method!" she laughed
"but, it was actually a torture method from the-"
before she could even finish her sentence, she was cut off as kenma pushed the oil drum over, sending her and the drum rolling off. he let out a huge breath of air as he cradled his aching hands.
"ni-nice job, kenma-kun" she squeaked out as she wiggled free of the drum. "but now.. we have only an hour left before school starts" she said as she patted down her clothes and combed her fingers through her hair
"and i heard from nekomata-san that he has some news that you boys would surely love" she said as she stretched her aching muscles
"are we really gonna move past the fact that you wedged yourself in an oil drum!?" kenma exclaimed in aggravation
". . ." she looked at him with a dumb smile before sending him a wink and a thumbs up.
"yep! we sure are!"
"i hate you so much" kenma muttered
she smirked teasingly and loomed over his shoulder "hehehe~ well if you hate me so much, then why go through all the trouble to help me?" she cooed
kenma scoffed and flicked her away. "because we're.." he trailed off "nevermind.." a small blush covered his cheeks faintly, but it was enough to get her attention.
she chuckled lowly and poked his cheeks. she narrowed her eyes and tauntingly stared him down. "oya? what's this, kenma-kun? do you like me or something?~" she teased
kenma flinched and covered his cheeks with his hands "no! no i don't!" he quickly denied "i just thought that.." he muttered quietly
"since we're friends and all.. i thought it'd be right to help you.." kenma admitted bashfully
stunned from his words, she couldn't really do anything but stare at him blankly with widened eyes. "we're friends?" she asked
kenma spluttered at her response, suddenly feeling anxious and embarrassed, thinking that he overstepped their 'relationship'
"um- i mean.. i just thought that since we've been hanging out but.." kenma said nervously. he fiddled with his hands as he looked down at his feet, too embarrassed to look her in the eyes.
"sorry, i guess i overstepped. sorry for misreading things" he apologised
finally realising what she's done, she gasped in horror as she looked at his heartbroken expression "oh my gosh." she muttered "im so sorry!"
she frantically patted his back, and stroked his hair "i-i meant like- i didnt know you considered me as a friend!" she exclaimed "i kind of thought you just see me as a suicidal leech or something!" she shrieked
"im sorry kenma! kill me now!" she exclaimed dramatically
kenma finally looked up to see her tearing some of her bandages off, only for her to tie it tightly around her neck.
"im sorry!" she cried as she squeezed tightly, trying to strangle herself to death
"wait! don't do that!" kenma said in panic. his hands pried the bandages off and hastily threw them away.
"you don't have to kill yourself over me" kenma sighed
she sniffled and crushed him in her arms "kenma! you are most certainly my most treasured friend!" she cried
"i would die for you and with you!"
"let's not go too far" kenma said with a small smile
"shall we start with the double suicide now?" she asks, fully ignoring his interjection
"no <3"
"fukurodani?" she muttered, looking quite confused and clueless
"yes. it seems a three-day practice match has been scheduled" nekomata said with a smile "their coach suggested the idea and who was i to decline, am i right?" nekomata chuckled
"this will be a good opportunity for the team to train and explore new ways of playing for future tournaments." nekomata then looked at y/n and sent her a close eyed smile. "and a chance for you to test your managing skills, y/n-san" he said
she nodded in agreement.
"well then, now that that's settled.. you’re free to go! rest up and eat well! you'll be playing nonstop starting tomorrow" nekomata said as he ushered them out of the gym
"thanks, coach!" the team yelled
as the team arrives by the gate, they started to disperse. fukunaga, inouka, teshiro, and shibayama ended up declining the offer of an afterschool hangout. they claimed they needed the rest for upcoming games, so they left them be.
"bye guys! bye y/n-senpai! see you tomorrow!!" inouka yelled from across the street. the energetic first year was waving both his arms around while shibayama drags him along. fukunaga sends them a quick nod and a small wave before they completely disappear from sight.
"hm, so what do you guys wanna do?" kai asks with a smile
"let's eat!" lev suggested with a grin
"sure. where should we go? i don't really have a particular craving right now" kai said as he looked at his friends expectantly
"we should eat at the diner near that convenience store" yaku says "it's cheap and they serve great food"
simply humming to herself, y/n takes a quick look at the boys who seemed to be lost in their own conversations. her (e/c) colored eyes then landed on kenma, who seemed to busy with his game.
kuroo was holding on his bag, making sure the pudding-head wouldn't walk into oncoming traffic. she smiled at the boy, taking in his overwhelmingly beautiful features.
yamamoto was beside her, ranting about his friends from karasuno and their 'goddess of a manager'
"we’re here!" lev unnecessarily announced as he skipped into the said diner. "what should we eat?" he asks
"fish-" ; "meat-"
yaku and kuroo freeze and look at each other. their eyes silently roam one another as they look at the other with judgment.
"hah? are we really doing this again, yakkun?" kuroo scowled. the taller bedheaded male leaned down to get all up in yaku's face, while the latter simply did the same
"dont call me that stupid nickname, bedhead!" yaku scowled as well "and fish? pssh, what are you a grandpa?" yaku said with a snicker
"could you stop making comments proving you lack docosahexaenoic acid?" kuroo sneered in aggravation
"you're ought to eat more fish to fix that.. maybe even your height problem!" kuroo taunted
yaku scowled and gripped the taller boy's collar "your stupid face is begging to be hit!"
"no! kuroo-san, don't let him hit you!" lev yelled "he's feral!"
"oi! shut up!" taketora hissed as he covered lev's mouth with his hand
yaku turned to face lev, evidently irked and angered by his comment. "hah?! come here, you tall lampost! -"
"wah! yaku-san i didnt even do anything!" lev exclaimed with teary eyes as the shorter boy continued to kick him
kai and taketora then took initiative to calm their friends down. partially because they didn't want anyone injured. but mostly because they were fighting infront of the diner, and it was starting to get embarrassing.
"ke-n-ma~" she cooed in a sing song tone
kenma sighed and quickly glanced at her, before averting his attention back to his game "what?" he said
she smiled and laced their arms together. she then pointed to a bridge not so far away from where they were standing. "you see that bridge?" she asked "and the pretty river under it?"
"oh god. i see where this is going." kenma groaned. he turned off his game and followed her finger, eyeing the bridge she was talking about.
"wouldn't it be so nice if we just jump off-"
"how about we don't do that?" kenma cut her off with a sigh
"but you're my friend right?" she whined childishly "don't friends die together?!"
"how about we don't die at all. doesn't that sound better?" kenma tried to convince her with a sheepish smile
her smile fell as she narrowed his eyes, seemingly disgusted and offended by his statement.
"what? no, not at all."
#haikyuu#haikyu x reader#haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#haikyu x y/n#haikyu x you#kenma x y/n#kozume kenma#kenma#kenma headcanons#hq kenma#hq x you#hq headcanons#hq fluff#bsd chuuya#bungou stray dogs#dazai x reader#osamu dazai#anime#anime x reader#kurotsuki#kuroken#kuroo testuro#kuroo fluff#akaashi fluff#akaashi keiji#nekoma#chuuya nakahara imagines#tw: sui mention#tw: sucidal ideation
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...
#im so tired :-(#and i have so much to do :-((#and i leave again tomorrow for more field work :-(((#i have to write a 3 page report by next week despite the fact the ppl already have my fucking thesis#plus i just threw together a shitty poster which i have to fix some stuff on and that just seems fucking impossible rn bc i keep crying#and i have to put together a prezi presentation for another thing. like i could just do a PowerPoint but a prezi would be nicer so i guess#im just not gonna sleep next week rip#and i have to input a fuckton of data so i had do analysis on the data i spent 3 weeks collecting#and i have to redo 1 sample and work on writing papers#plus draw a bunch of figures for various things#and fill out reimbursement paperwork even tho i start crying when i think abt it#and find a hotel and logistics for a conference#which like i shouldnt have said yes to that. i just. like i had a full on meltdown bc i cant seem to be able to take the steps to sort it#out and its looming up and im so tired. i dont even want to go but i already said yes and its for a group project#like seriously just ask for help. but i just keep laying on the floor crying#which does not bode well for this weekend bc i have to share a room on Saturday night rip me#and i need to take care of lots of tedious little adult things that my brain wont let me do#and coordinate going home for Thanksgiving which i really want to do but again it seems so impossible rn#how am i supposed to 'take a break and recover' when the universe is trying to crush me to pieces?#whatever i have a 3.5 hr car ride with 2 ppl that i have to emotionally prepare for#this is prob just the product of not enough sleep but like why do stupid little things have to be so hard?#why cant i not work on stuff for like 10hrs over 2 days and not feel horribly guilty?#oh god and im gonna be the one in charge of the feild work. i just realized bc i am the most important person for the measurements we have#to take. i hate it. im tired#but i have to work on this stupid ugly poster. the topic is fucking boring and i dont want to do it#but whatever its fine. im only paid for 29hrs a week but its fine#god i dont even want to kno how many hrs ive actually been doing#unrelated
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danwave×diordans first encounter aka
ITS MIIIIDNIGHT
***general warning for Cringe and tw for vampire death***
[NARATOR aka danwave on his influencer account]
It was just another routine #ghost checkup at an #abandoned house, to make sure the property is #SafeForSale, which is on #discount as of now over at @joygrave btw, when the most #horrifying experience of my life happened....
[shot of the entire house at a low angle, everything is dark, but w a slightly purple tint] [scene cuts to the living room, its empty] [danwave is there, in the @joygrave uniform]
DANWAVE: *muffled singing* *dancing across the room* last night i killed a ghost that w-
[a weird noise interrupts the singing]
DANWAVE: *looks around confused* *smirks* ohh seems we've got a ghost in here *checks the ghost detector* huh. its not showing anything *smacks it a couple times* *gets worried*
[a dark figure looms over behind him] [danwave is oblivious to the fact]
DANWAVE: *to himself* guess its probably just the draft [:D]
[NARATOR]
It was, in fact, much more than just the #draft
[danwave turns to close the window that he could've sworn was closed] [he catches a glimpse of something moving in the corner of his eye]
DANWAVE: guess we DO have a ghost in here after all [>:)] *he takes out the ghost detector* *drops it*
[NARATOR]
and as i leaned over to pick the #ghost #detector up from the ground i felt a cold hand on my shoulder. Thinking it was a #ghost i pulled out the Joygrave Ghost Vacuum™
[ghost vacuum noises ensue] [danwave turns around] [the ghost vacuum makes a weird sound] [danwaves flashlight illuminates the supposed #ghost and reveals a vampire lady]
VAMPIRE LADY: *removes the ghost vacuum from her face* *hisses and prepares to lunge at danwave*
DANWAVE: *incoherent screaming*
[NARATOR]
I kid you not, what i thought would be a #ghost was something far scarier. A whole, very #real #vampire! My entire #life #flashed before my eyes in that very #moment. But then the most #unexpected thing happened
[another figure appears and tackles the vampire lady]
DANWAVE: *screaming intensifies* WHAT THE HELL *continues screaming* *hides in a corner*
[a fight between the vampire and the mysterious stranger ensues]
STRANGER: DIE YOU FOUL CREATURE *stabs the vampire lady*
VAMPIRE LADY: *screeches*
DANWAVE: *screaming incoherently* AHHHHHH HOLY SHIT YOU KILLED HER
STRANGER: ..... *crouching over the vampire lady*
VAMPIRE LADY: *is dead*
[NARATOR]
I didnt know what was going on but i handled everything with #dignity.
[stranger turns around, still crouching. his eyes glow a bright red]
DANWAVE: *whispering softly* what the heck what the heck what the��
STRANGER: *stands up* *makes a tired smile, revealing his fangs*
DANWAVE: *crying* NOT ANOTHER ONE
[stranger starts walking towards danwave standing in the corner]
DANWAVE: *crying even more* PLEASE DONT KILL ME IM TOO YOUNG I HAVE SO MANY SONGS I WANT TO WRITE AND GHOSTS TO KILL AND *incoherent babbling*
STRANGER: *reaches out his hand for a handshake* fear not dear fellow, that menace is gone and will be taken care of.
DANWAVE: *nervous laughter* *reluctantly goes to shake the strangers hand* hahaha what the-
STRANGER: Diordan van Smith, at your service *reaches for his pocket and pulls out a business card* give us a call if you notice sinister activity like this again
DANWAVE: *is petrified but engages in conversation* i- im Daniel.. of- of joygrave... h- here *hands diordan joygraves business card* in- in case you come across a- a ghost...
DIORDAN: why, thank you kind sir, but now i must bid you farewell
DANWAVE: wait but what about th- that *points at the very dead vampire*
DIORDAN: oh, of course i almost forgot about... it *he says it with clear disgust* dont you worry about that, we will take care of it after you leave *smiles tiredly*
DANWAVE: W- we?? No, in fact dont tell me im just– going to leave. yeah. im leaving. yes. uh. goodbye— whats your name again?
DIORDAN: Diordan.
DANWAVE: oh. yeah. well uh goodbye then, Diordan....
[danwave rushes out of the house and promptly drives off to write a long caption about this on @joygrave's official account]
DIORDAN: what a strange bloke ;–;
THE END
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Y,know how I said I had another au, and had a small oneshot for it:)
Well here's the oneshot, and bonus very out of context because I haven't talked about it yet. Hyrule meets Legend scene! Au is still being put together and is not really thought out much, but it does include the other under-appreciated links, such as Picori (whose also in this small written piece), Spirit, and Tempo. (Will add more if I find out there's others)
Pre-warning I don't know how to do the undercut thing with posts, so it's very long.
Enjoy:)
---------------------------------------------------
Okay, at this point Hyrule knew he was lost. Very lost.
The further he treked through the thick foilage to find his way back to the fountain. The weaker it's magic became, he was getting further away from it with each passing second.
He knew his sense of direction was terrible but this was just ridiculous.
He tried to call out to any fellow fairy or family that could hear him, to no avail.
It was almost dark, as the sun descended beneath the trees. A few stars making themselves present early. His faint glow making itself known in the growing dark. A pale green.
Pushing through a few more bushes, he comes to a small clearing. Taken up mostly by a decently large pond. It looked pretty deep too.
He felt no fairy magic emanating from the waters and with a disappointed huff sat down beside the ponds rocks.
There was a different kind of magic in the pond though, at the bottom. It felt safe, and somehow he knew it wouldn't hurt him.
Staring up at the stars once more, he sent a prayer to whatever goddess was listening that he'd find his home soon, his mother must be worried sick he hasn't come home before night fall.
He was tired, straying so far from his mother's magic had taken a toll on him. Placing a minor protection spell on the small clearing, he dropped his travel bag on the floor and pulled out a blanket. Nestling himself into a comfortable position using his bag as a pillow of sorts.
"Goodnight mom." He whispered, as he let his eye lids finally close to get some rest.
---
When he woke up it was to a shadow looming over him. He groaned as his eyes slowly opened to meet with a pair of violet ones.
A pale face that looked at him quizitivelly from above. This figure tilted there head at him with a curious glint in there eyes. Short pink hair swept to once side dropping slightly. His long pink bangs swaying beneath his face to the gentle wind.
His eyes widened as he woke up fully, staring at the one above him, whose eyes also widened.
The boy (as he guessed) lept into the pond with a graceful splash and pained gasp. Hyrule rushed to get up. Packing his blanket away and comfortably getting his bag on. He sensed pain was on the boy. He was hurt.
He jumped to the waters edge and peered down to look for the other, finding nothing. Until they peeked there eyes out of the water, brows forrowwed.
"I-im sorry for startling you. I didn't mean to scare you like that." He apologised sitting down in his spot.
The other looked away for a moment before peeking his Head out further so he could see his mouth.
"It's okay. I've just never seen one of your kind before." He replied. His voice was smooth and kind.
Never seen a fairy?
"I've only ever read about fairys in books back home, but fairys were written to be smaller. Your like a very small great fairy, why is that?" The boy asked with a tilt of his head.
"Oh, that's because I'm a great fairy in training." He answered slowly. His eyes trailing to the faint red in the water. The wound.
The boy seemed satisfied with his answer, a small hesitant trust being formed.
"I couldn't help but notice your hurt. Would you mind if I healed you?" He asked, wringing his wrists.
This took the boy by suprise and with small slow nod, he swam closer and reached his arm out of the water. There was a few scars here and there, and what looked like a golden fin across the back of his arm. The boy looked away at first, but once the fairy started to let his magic flow he watched in awe. As the green magic knitted the bloody cut on his arm back together.
When Hyrule pulled his arms away, cutting the magic off, the boy admiring his newly healed arm.
"Did you hurt it on the rocks when I startled you?"
A knod, before the other perked up.
"I'll be back in a second." At that the boy dove under and after about a minute or two he came back up with some cut fish in hands.
"For you." He dropped them on the ground beside Hyrule, awaiting a response.
For a moment he just looked between the other and the fish, before giving an akward smile.
"Oh thank you." He chuckled nervously.
The boy just continued to wait patiently.
"What do I do with them?"
"You eat them, its food."
Glancing down at the fish, he curiously picked one up and went to take a bite.
"Wait y-you cook it first. You were gonna eat it raw?" The boy exclaimed with concern.
Oh.
With a snap of his fingers a small flame appeared in his palm. Growing by the second and so he started to roast it.
Once done (although he burned it in a few places). He finally took a bit. It was juicy but dry, no doubt his own doing. And tasted plain but salty. The burnt bits tasted bitter. But all in all it satisfied him. After his first bite, he set it down and cooked another, holding it out to the boy in the pond.
"I realized I never asked for your name, I'm Hyrule." He spoke, as the boy gingerly took the offered fish.
"I'm Legend." He took a bite and grimaced at first to the taste but settled.
He packed the rest of the fish away in his bag after asking if the boy wanted anymore.
Crossing his legs and resting his head in his palms.
"Hey, ive been meaning to ask. Why do you stay in the pond?"
The boys face frorrowed, his eyes traced the rocks instead of the fairy, and lifted what the fairy assumed was his version of legs. A large white blotched amareanth fishtail, lined with golden fins, some tattered near the end but not much.
"Oh you can't go that far." He spoke sadly.
"Yeah, no legs means no land travel. Fish tail means water travel only." He said simply.
"Do you live in this pond, have any family around here?" He asked a pit forming in his gut.
Legend shook his head,
"I was dropped here on accident by poachers after the few days travel they had me. I've been stuck in this pond for almost a whole week now if in correct. I lived in Hylia lake, with my uncle."
Lake Hylia!
That was at least a few days travel from his fountain, how far did the poachers go to abduct him?
He wanted to help he really did, but what could he do?
...
Then like a blessing from above, an idea popped in his head. Details would be thought of next. But he had an idea, and he was going to help this weird hylian.
Hyrule brightened immediately.
"Hey, what if I took you home? Act as your guide across the lands." Hyrule suggested.
Legend looked at him as if he grew two heads.
"How are you going to do that?"
He didn't know but maybe he could carry Legend to his fountain when he found it and ask his mother for advice. She always knew what to do.
"I could take you to my fairy fountain and find out what to do from there." He suggested, with a shrug and nervous smile.
The pink haired kid, tilted his head in thought before giving a nod.
"That could work. Better than being stuck in here till the day i die."
Thankfully a thought on what he could do came to mind. An friend could possibly help.
"Perfect! It's settled then!" At that Hyrule brought his point finger and thumb to his mouth and gave a shrill whistle.
He waited a full minute or two before a small willow bird swooped in and perched in his hair.
A small mouse like creature getting off its back and peeking over his forehead from his hair. The creature no bigger than a hylians thumb.
"Hyrule! Long time no see!" The small thing squeaked cheerfully.
They clung to a curl of hair and dropped onto Hyrules waiting palm. The fairy chuckling at the small person?
"It has, hasn't it?" He laughed. Before the small mouse caught eye with Legend.
"A hylian in the pond? And it seems they can see me?" They chittered.
"I dont think hes a hylian. Either he isn't or he is and hes a weird one." Hyrule whispered.
"I'm a mer, deffintly not hylian. And what is that thing in your palm." Legend asked from the water resting his arms on the sand dirt edge.
Oh so that's what he was, he was going to ask mother about that later.
"This is Picori, of the Minish. He's been my best friend, since I could even walk. He may be able to help us with our problem." Hyrule smilled.
"That explains the pond, hylians tend to hate getting wet in clothing." Picori huffed.
Hyrule hummed before, leaning closer to the Minish in his palm. Whispering something Legend couldn't hear or understand with the change in Hyrules language.
Hyrule backed up, and Picori seemed to hum before saying something to the other.
"Alright, Legend I'm going to need to carry you for this next part, would you be okay with that?" Hyrule looked over to the mer in question expectantly.
"Where are you taking me, exactly?" He asked, pulling himself out of the water.
And now, could Hyrule so the rest of him properly. He had what looked like a black tunic like shirt, long sleeves folded above the elbows, and a collar he now folded up, hidding the gills on his neck.
A black and silver belt wrapped around his waist and bottom half of the tunic.
The metal emited no familiar heat, safe.
"Cori has a solution to our problem." He chirped, putting Picori on his shoulder, and reaching to pick Legend up.
Abite difficult and painstakingly Hyrule managed to carry him bridal style, in the directions Picori instructed.
Being meet with a tree stump, that radiated the same magic Picori did.
"Place him on the stump and me on his shoulder." Picori instructed.
Hyrule nodded gently and put Legend on the stump. Next reaching a hand for Picori to climb on and let him onto legends shoulder.
"Tell him not to freak out with this next part, they always do the first go around." Picoris muttered, Hyrule relaying the message.
"Okay now I'm worried, what's the small guy on my shoulder planning." Legend asked nervously.
Hyrule lifting hands to gently take the bird from his head, placing her down on a nearby rock with a pet.
"You'll see in a second." The fairy smiled with a tilt of his head, hair falling with the motion. Before he shrank in the blink of an eye. To a normal fairys size, Legend could only blink dumbly as Hyrule fluttered in place, waiting he noticed.
Picori chittering something from his shoulder, before he felt a strong magic pull him. He landed with an oof on giant mushrooms inside a what looked like the inside of the stump he was sitting on.
Wait-
A small thumping alerted the presence of the Minish, who was now almost the same size as himself (Almost, he was still tiny compared to the others), as he scampered over and helped the merman down from the fungi, and over to a waiting Hyrule by the exit of the stump. The minish and fairy sharing a quick tight hug, before the merman was picked up and held again.
The minish handed Legend a small pale brown thing that looked edible, smelled bitter, but nice. And was told to eat it by Hyrule.
It was an uncomfortable mess with his hearing, a soft static and deafness before it settled and he could understand the mouse guys greeting.
Getting a good look at the world as it was now that he was smaller. It looked huge, and so much more different, things he'd never notice before in full view now. All though he'd never really seen what the surface had to offer anyway. Intill the poachers of course. But still.
"I better grow again before I'm returned home." Legend smirked.
Getting a short laugh from Hyrule.
"You will when when we get to my fountain."
Picori blew a quick whistle with his pinky fingers at a higher note than Hyrules from before. The willow bird peered up, and flapped over. Awaiting it's riders to board.
"You do know where my fountain is, right Picori?" The fairy asked with a nervous chuckle.
The minish nodded getting on the birds back.
No one needed to know he was lost, and add to his reputation. So it went unsaid.
Once they were all situated and Legend was held securely. The bird shot up into the sky at Picoris gentle command.
End
Good day/night whoever read this, hope your doing good^^
#questions and whatnot are welcome#Creature and Myths au#lu hyrule#lu legend#lu picori#legend of zelda#linked universe au#i dont know how to tag#this isnt proof read and i apoligise for my bad writting
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Brothers anon, im gonna start combing the two separate submissions again cause its getting too short to have them separate I think?
1: His possession messed with memories Ranbob had before, so memories of school friends or playing with Ran were distant to erased. Though after Dreams possession it was also harder to make and keep memories. But thankfully as Ranbob was recovering from Dream and got futher away making memories came eaiser to him, though he'll never get back the memories he lost.
3: Oh he would very quickly grow to regret his decision, but it would be funny. And Benjamin would later admit that while it was annoying and stressful, it was also fun and he was very happy to have his two families meet and generally get along.
8: Everyone is just in shocked silence before Cletus just goes "YEAHHHHHHHHHH!" Oddly happy that Ranboo committed so much arson. Oh definitely, after all the outcasts of society where put there. Of course people would make such negative rumors about Mizu and treat the people as the scum of the earth. Though this also means, people don't know what happened in Mizu, and anyone who knows, view it in a more happy and a "Their finally gone" type of way, then viewing it as the tragedy it was.
Spoons is a card game technically. A group of people sit in a group and everyone gets 4 cards, and you keep discarding at least 1 card of yours to the person on your left, who then does the same to their person on their left, the last person in the group puts a card into a discard pile. The goal is to get 4 of the same cards, and once someone gets 4 of the same cards, that person goes and grabs a spoon in a pile in front of them (let's say there's 5 players, theres only going to be 4 spoons cause there's always a spoon less than the people playing), once they grab one anyone can grab a spoon. And the person who doesn't get a spoon gets a S added to them, once Spoons is spelled the person gets out of the game, and a spoon gets removed to continue the game. Basically for flowers its played the exact same way but with flowers in the middle expect for spoons.
11: I just imagine Dream sulking in a corner as you yell at him and him going like "well I didn't know…" as he kicks a stone. And he wasnt sure what it was, but quickly jumped on the idea that maybe it was the fact that Ran was still alive somewhere, and that that's causing Ranbob to willingly let himself become weak and defy him. Causing Dream to become angrier at Ran and punish Ranbob harder.
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3: During the brothers fight in the storm, and after everyone runs off to find Ranbob, Ran is left alone. And he decides to just wander off into the storm, not protecting himself from the rain so he does get burnt. The whole time he's lost deep in thought and isn't really paying attention. He continues to wander for a whole day unfollowed (because after the Gladiators and Fishermen came back to the cave after finding Ranbob they are in no rush to find Ran and decide to look for him after the storm passes, which takes a full day) and at some point Raq finds him wandering. Which Raq then uses Rans distraction to his advantage and attacks him. At first only really the gladiators where concerned when they found Ran gone. But once they found him blinded and terrified everyone felt awful and a looming sense of guilt. And everyone continued to feel that way, even after they got the antidote and Ran started to see again.
4: They would just leave Ranbob alone and check in on him every now and again. But generally let him deal with it himself. They'd feel guilty leaving him alone, but they also know that they can't really do anything for him as their not prepared or briefed on how to help him in this situation.
10: Oh definitely, even with Ran blinded they would've been kicked out immediately for fighting, without even a second glance. Dont forget, Ran still cares for his brother. And maybe, losing his sight made him face the side of him that wanted to become family again with Ranbob, maybe it brought enough to light that he just can't ignore it anymore. Mostly only negative potions can be permanent, like posion, blinding, wither, and nausea (I know the last like 3/2 are effects but they've also found a way to make effects into potions.). You already know what a antidote for blindness would be. A antidote for wither would be, a ghast tear (actually a basic ingredient for almost every antidote), blaze powder, and glistening melon to make a overpowered healing potion. Antidote for posion would be ghast tear, swiftness (so it acts fast to get rid of the posion), and the 3rd ingredient depends on what kind of posion it was (posion that has a side effect of constricting or filling the lungs with water? Pufferfish and Turtle shell for last ingredients. Posion that has weakness? Blaze powder, and glistening melon) And antidote for nausea would be ghast tear, and potion of slowness to allow the person to slowly feel better, so their nausea doesn't hit them all at once before disappearing, which can cause them to throw up or have side effects.
13: Thats exactly what they did.
14: Jackie will 100% attempt to fight God and no one can stop him. :) (to be honest im not sure yet, I know I want to do more with Raq and have the idea that maybe he could be the person that finds Dream and gets him out of Mizu, but that's pretty often used in stories and I want to try to think of something more unique. Maybe I'll have it so Raq actually manages to capture the brothers or at least one of them and uses them as blackmail?)
15: When Ranbob was a child and Ran was just a baby Ranbob would often take Ran out of his crib and take him to go watch the fish swim by. When Ran was old enough he'd follow Ranbob everywhere, even a few times he managed to sneak into Ranbobs class room and almost wasn't caught. Ran got extremely clingy one day and managed to gather his haunting all up into his arms and carried them around, even though he was obviously struggling. And Ranbob used to complain about his teachers and idiotic classmates whenever he got home, which is funny when you consider Ran was very impressiable at the time and Ran started mimicking Ranbob, leading to him cursing, much to Ranbobs dismay.
And im curious, do you have any questions that I havent answered? Or do you have any ideas for anything? I'd love to hear whatever you have to say about anything honestly!
Course! I dont have much lore wise other than they go to Kelalen and when they hear Dream is still around they decide to stay back to help fight him. But the idea I have is that Karl is just kinda hanging with everyone I listed, talking about allies or treaties when his time traveling clock/watch starts to go off, and he panics, but sadly in his haste to stop it he makes it worse and it grabs everyone, where they end up in the future. After hours of confusion and explaining they calm down. When 2 days later they find the Gladiator and Fishermen group, at first Karl is strongly against going to then for help, but everyone basically ignores him and go to ask for help. Hours of explanation and proof giving later the GF (Gladiator and Fishermen, got tired of writing it out) group sadly tells them that they cant really help. Until Ran (who was previously gone searching the surrounding area and making sure it was safe) appears high up on a tree (cause I just can't get the image of Ran on a tree and looking comfortable and confident as hell out of my head), and says that maybe Kelalen can help, if not going to Foolish may be a good alternative. Isaac, and Grievous are extremely against going back (at this time a 2 months have past since they left Kelalen)n saying it could be dangerous but Ran just aboustely shoots them down, along with Watson and Jackie agreeing with Ran, and Karls group agreeing to it. They head off to Kelalen. And Jackie is extremely excited at the potential of going to see Foolish finally. And it'd probably be like a sub au where the brothers au is the main backbone for it but at a certain point it separates from the au and becomes its own.
1: Okay, ouch. Can you imagine if Ran brought one of those memories up, and just had Ranbob look confused, or horrified, depending on how quick he realizes what happened? How would Ran react to that realization, both before and after he forgives Ranbob?
3: If nothing else, everyone got some laughs from it-even Benjamin, once his friends were far, far away from his family and not able to teach them more chaos.
8: Cletus, why are you so happy? Do you just enjoy knowing chaos existed back then? Are you an arsonist? What’s up with you?
Also, wow. Not cool, other city people, that’s very mean.
Spoons sounds like it’s interesting, I might try it sometime. Did the group just have those cards on them? What other games did they have?
11: Good, put Dream back in the corner, I’m gonna be yelling more. Because, seriously dude? I know you probably exist solely out of spite, but c’mon. Admittedly, from a certain point of view, it could be considered amusing that your first thought was that Ranbob was making himself weaker out of defiance/spite but like. From a more responsible and mature viewpoint, that’s incredibly stupid, and I-just. Buddy, hate to tell you, but I’m pretty sure that’d just be a you thing. Besides you were in Ranbob’s head, didn’t he think Ran was dead? It doesn’t even make sense. Good lord, I’m half-tempted to get the broom and chase you around like you’re a particularly unruly barn cat.
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3: First of all, that sounds really scary for Ran. Second of all, are we getting an overprotective arc?
4: Kind of sad, but understandable, they’re dealing with the situation as best they can.
10: Even if the group was provoked by the townspeople? Potions sound really cool, wish I could make those in real life, tbh.
13: W-what do you mean ‘that’s exactly what they did’? Anon, is your friend, like, a legit gremlin? I’m spooked.
14: Foolish takes one look at Jackie, wearing a smile that exactly matched Tubbo’s when he was about to cause chaos, and immediately nopes out of that. He knows that face, and he will not be getting tangled into a fight with a goblin child today, no sir. I’m sure Jackie tries regardless though. (Also, that sounds like that goes horribly, do we get an overprotective ender-sibling, for whoever gets captured or used as blackmail, if that’s what you do?)
15: I love all of these so much, oh my gosh. Baby Ran seeing the fishes and following his big brother around. Poor Ranbob’s face when his baby brother cursed one day, Ran trying to carry all of his haunting. I’m in tears, honestly.
Umm...I can’t think of anything right now, to be honest. If I ever do have a question or idea though, I’ll through it on the Brothers AU tag for you to check out, I guess.
Oh, this sounds really cool. The part about them just ignoring their local time traveler when they’ve just time traveled particularly amuses me, as does Jackie wanting to see Foolish-I feel like Foolish may be a little more than terrified to see both Tubbo and Jackie back, honestly. Why was Ran willing to help them so much? What did they do to offer proof? How did Ranbob react once they proved who they were? How does all the group get along? Are they Ranboo’s haunting, and if so, if Ranboo gets close with his descendants, does he merge his hauntings with theirs? How does the time group feel about the Brothers fighting, and Ranbob’s possession?
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Under His Wing pt 2
Sunmary. Hawks takes in a teenage runaway
Hawks got you to his home around 11:15 at night and all he wanted to do was sleep, next time.. listen to the damn sidekick.. He unlocked the door and you rushed in past him heading straight to the restroom slamming the door. He rolled his heavy eyes closing the door and slumping to his kitchen taking out a big bowl and some ingredients.
The shower.Was.Amazing. After running around every night getting dirty and covered in blood it felt so good to just sit in the shower and watch it wash away. You laid your head against the shower wall inhaling deep. Never thought you would be taken in by a Pro Hero. Not to mention Bird Man of all Pros. You exhaled slowly and stood up to wash up , christ it felt good to wash your hair.
After you got out all you could smell was ramen, instantly you rushed out down the hall to see the bowl of chicken ramen with little candies next to it and Hawks waving. You sat down at the table looking at the food then him a few times.
“Its just ramen, and tomorrow im going to show you how to use your quirk, “ he yawned rubbing his head. “do you know how to call your feathers back?” He asked pointing to your back , you looked over your shoulder to see you were missing some.
“No.” You said between bites.
Hawks went to the nearest window and turned to look at you. “Think of them coming back and something you enjoy, ill show you more tomorrow.” Hawks made his way to the hall pointing to a door as he passed. “Guest room”
“Okay grandpa.” You snickered as you watched this Pro Hero try not to fall asleep with every step.
“Haha, good night little crow” He closed the door behind him finally going to bed.
“Pfft..” you looked down at the ramen, it was nearly gone . Think of something you.. enjoy huh? What do you enjoy ? Ramen, for one, you ate the last bits of it and got up dumping the bowl in the sink. A bed.. was one. You thought on it as you made your way down the hall stopping at Hawks door. Someone who .. cared? Was that something?
All your feathers flew through the window returning to you and you scoffed at them shaking your head, that cant be it, its the bed and ramen. Yup.
Once you got into the bed you crashed instantly , it was soft and warm. And better than the dirty floor you were used to.
••
In the morning Hawks woke up around 8 feeling so much better and well rested, his wings stretched along with him shaking from the middle all the way to the tips. “Mmmm……. what to do today.” He got up opening his door walking out going to the restroom to shower.
You woke up maybe 8:30 with a grumpy look on your face, you were sleepy and groggy. Slowly you pushed yourself up to poke around in the closet for clothes finding some tacky shirts and sweatpants, you grabbed them going to the restroom opening the door, your wings were shaking but you ignored it and opened the curtain to see Hawks.
“....”
“.....”
“AAAAH!!!!!” You covered your eyes and all your feathers fell out
“I FORGOT YOU WERE HERE!!!! “ Hawks said covering himself
“DAMMIT AAAUGHHH” you cried
“GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!”
“AAAUGHH!!!!” You stumbled over your feathers slamming the door behind you running to the couch panting. “FUCK!!!!!” You fell to your side whining and kicking your feet.
Hawks leaned into the wall rubbing his face. “Fucking hell, thats right, im housing a runaway.. i should have Tokoyami look up her description some time today…”
After Hawks had gotten washed up and sprinted to his room to get dressed he went back to the restroom to gather up your feathers and go to you to see you curled up on the couch arms folded and pouting.
“I might have.. forgot you were-“
“OBVIOUSLY!!!!” You sat up crossing your arms again. “Some Pro you are .”
Hawks let that one go and held his hands out. “These are yours, let me show you how to make a sword”
“A..sword?” You got up taking them back, they flew behind you except for one.
“Yes, you can do more than just fly” he brought a feather to his front and it instantly got sleek and sharp in his grasp.
“Holy fuck” you watched closely , eyes wide.
“So what i do is .. i usually focus my emotions on the feather, i put my strength into it , my will to win, to help”
“So..” you looked down at the feather in your palm thinking, you didn't want to help anyone ,just yourself. You wanted to survive- “OW!!” You dropped the feather sword and Hawks grabbed your wrist looking at the blood rushing out..
“Dont panic, it happens to me sometimes.”
“Fix it..”
He looked up at you to see your face wet and your hair sticking to your cheeks. “I don't like blood old man..”
“Okay okay.” He brought you to the kitchen grabbing the first aid from the cabinet, giving you a cloth for the time being.
It hurt, and the cloth stung, you could feel the blood pooling under it squishing around trying to escape. Your wrist was shaking and Hawks was rushing to get everything out if the kit, he dumped it over and took the bloody cloth away putting it in the sink and pulled you over to it turning on the water.
“Oowe!!!”
“I know it hurt.”
“IT FUCKIN DOES”
He looked at you and your wings shook, his eyes were very serious and not tired. “Calm down . So i can fix this properly.”
“..ok..” you took in a deep breath.
Hawks washed your palm up and dried it once the bleeding stopped, he wrapped it up three times tying it in a bow. “There.” He said letting go of your hand.“That was my fault, I should have warned you. Im sorry y/n”
“Whatever.. what else can i do..” you asked looming at the bow and making grabbing motions with your hand even though it hurt.
“Well…” he pointed to the mess he made and a few feathers cleaned it up, he then pointed to the cabinet and the feathers brought the kit to it closing the cabinet. “That”
You were wide eyed and all Hawks did was chuckle.
•
Hawks spent some time showing you how to use your quirk for something other than stealing , it turns out it was really useful in other ways. The feather sword was still on the floor and Hawks didn't try to make you pick it up again, when you were ready to pick it up you could. You learned a few things about Hawks too, the Hero Commission , his training. It was rare to find a quirk like his. He had asked you about your parents but you refused to talk about them or your childhood. He dropped the subject right there and told you how relieved he was that you agreed to come with him. “I feel like a babysitter who has no idea what to do but im happy your here, jail is no place for you”
You rolled your eyes going over to the window pointing at the curtain, your feather moved it and you jumped slightly, amazed.
“Ah good job, you catch on fast.” He said walking over to you. “Do i have to give you a curfew?” He teased down at you.
“Oh barf.” You opened the window stepping onto it and Hawks reached over grabbing your wrist.
“Come home whenever, just please stay out of trouble.”
Your heart did a back flip. “.. home?”
“Huh?” He tilted his head.
“Nothing old man!” You shook him off jumping out the window flying off, wiping your eyes.
Hawks sighed heavily as he we t to the couch to relax, the weight on his mind and body being taken over by the relaxation in his muscles. He pulled his phone out dialing his friend.
“Tokoyamii…”
“Are you calling to tell me you regret staying out.”
“Well actually….”
One long explanation later
“.. really? And she went with you?”
“Yep, can you run a background check, and make sure no one tries to arrest her..”
“Fine.”
“Thank you Yami.”
“... shes a actual runaway?”
“Said so herself.”
“Interesting..” he hung up and Hawks leaned back into the couch rubbing his face. Meanwhile you were sitting on a roof looking at the bow on your bandage.
••
@redflannel
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Im sad that I have to go back to work tomorrow. Today was just such a nice day. And I just feel sick about having to go back to work. I am not looking forward to my clothes. To my work shirt. To the work. Im just hoping its like. So chill? That all my upset goes away right away? Even better that I wake up tomorrow and I just feel awesome? We can only hope.
I slept alright last night. Getting up was hard. James came and woke me up and while I said I didnt want to get up and they said I didnt have to, I knew I would feel better once I was up.
So thats what I did. I got up and dressed and felt so cute today. One of the salons I emailed got back to me and I have an appointment on friday morning. I'm nervous! But its mostly because I have psoriasis on my head. So Im going to baby my skin a little more than normal and try really hard to to scratch. It hasnt been to bad lately so I dont have any sores, but it is flakey. I hope it is okay.
I hung out with James in the dungeon for a bit. The plan was to go get Jimmy Johns and then go have a picnic. We thought they didnt open until 11 but we were wrong and so when James went to place the order we were like. Oh they are open already! So we headed out.
Drove downtown, James got our sandwiches. And we were off to the gardens. It was a beautiful day. The gardens will have tulips all blooming soon, but we were a little early for that. It was still beautiful though. We had a blanket and sat on the grass and enjoyed the sunshine. It was really nice being together. And once we finished eating we went for a walk and James told me stories from when they were a kid and would hang out at this park. It was very cute.
We headed back to the car after people watching and climbing a tree. And we headed back towards home. We made a stop at the grocery store. We were going to go to hamden and the post office but it was closed? A lot of upset people in the parking lot over that. So instead we went to our normal grocery store and got the stamps we needed and a few little things. Batteries and yogurt and drinks. And then we went home.
It was still really nice when we got back. It was early. So we would clean a bit. James would play some video games and I would jump into a little clay project. I want to make a clay version of my new bear and then make a mold to make some casts I can paint in different ways? Well see how it goes. Its been a long time since Ive done a single mold like this so I tried really hard to keep the undercuts away but well have to see how it comes out. Im going to sand the thing and try to make it nice before I attempt to make the mold, probably next week. I had a really good time making it anyway though.
James headed out to take a long bike ride. And I took a rest on the couch.
James would get back and we would talk about dinner. I would clean the apartment a bit. Mostly the kitchen. And start trying to clean our kitchen rug, which Ive basically decided Im just going to replace. So now it will be a rug on the fire escape. Where James moved a lot of the plants out to today. We need to get some zipties for our windowboxes, but Im really pleased with all our little plant babies. Especially the blueberry bush which is totally reblooming and Im so jazzed.
I felt a little unsettled. So me and James went to the park across the street to lay in the grass and play a card game. Had lots of laughs. Then just laid together and watched a sweet little boy play with a kite. And then took a walk around. It was just really beautiful and I hope we go over there together more as the weather is nice.
When we got back I started work on another loom project. Its been a few weeks. I had given up on the other one I made mostly because the yarn wasnt working the way I wanted. But I felt bad because I put like 2 weeks of work into it. So that may become something else. But I found a better yarn and I made some good progress in the hour I worked on the new piece. Very excited to have that going.
We had dinner and Ive basically been just chilling since then. I skated around the living room for a while. I want to skate more. I may have found a little area near us that is flat and smooth. But its hard to get out there when you're alone. But I want to keep getting stronger.
Now though I am tired. And my allergies are bothering me a bit. So Im going to take an allergy pill and take a shower and get ready to be chilling in bed instead of chilling on the couch. Wish me luck tomorrow. I hope its another really good day, even if some of the day is at a job that makes me feel a little bad.
Goodnight everyone. Take care of yourselves.
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venting
ive been struggling with friendships for years, and its finally boiled over and become almost too painful to bare. the issue comes in two parts.
one, i absolutely suck at maintaining the friends i do have. i constantly feel worthless to the people in my life and that they would rather be with another person than me. even the people closest to me i feel would drop me for a second if a better person came along and was cooler or more interesting. im no ones "best friend". everyone who i consider close enough to potentially be a best friend already has another person they prefer, who they are closer to. my partner prefers his best friend. my best friend prefers her partner. all my close friends from high school and college prefer people they knew before me or people they grew closer to after me. people who i cared about so deeply left me without a trace. i see these people from my past and the deep satisfying relationships they have with their peers and partners and i just feel so isolated. when am i going to get to feel that. why has no one in my life cared enough to make me feel this way. has my personality pushed them away. is it my fault for not reaching out and trying to make more of an effort. i dont know. i admit i am not the best with keeping up with people but its shadowed by my constant fear that i will annoy someone with being clingy or they will get tired of me or would rather talk with someone else instead of me. maybe its selfish but i wish someone would be the initiator instead of me for once.
the second issue is that i have absolutely no idea how to make new friends, and as i move away from the people i know for a second time i feel like im going to have to start from square one again. everyone who i have ever met as a teen or adult has told me i gave them mean and bitchy vibes before they got to know me. no matter what i do. if i speak its too intense. if im quiet im judgemental and have a resting bitch face. i feel that i cant win and i dont know how to change that with the impending doom of having to make friends looming over my head. im so jealous of my partner, who can just make everyone in a room instantly want to be his friend. he has to push people away and he gets to make the final decision on who makes it into his inner circle, a luxury i have never had. maybe its not a luxury, but its what i have always wanted. i want to be someone that people want, not one that people get used to. and i feel that i cant talk about this with anyone because i have no friends this is the whole issue.
my partner has given me advice on how to show others that im interested in their lives by asking questions and genuinely listening to them, but what if they dont even want to interact in the first place. how do i not scare people away or make them think the worst of me on a snap judgement. a thing everyone has told me i do upon first meeting. i constantly get "i thought you were going to be such a bitch when i first met you". i dont want to be that person but i cant find the ways to not be her.
i know instagram is fake but i see all these people posting outings with their friends and i constantly wonder why i am never invited to anytihng. even by people who i would consider myself reasonably friends with. did moving 4 miles south of the city really make everyone forget about me. was i that easy to forget about in the first place. how does everyone have these huge groups of people who love them and want to be around them. i sit in my house every night alone reading or going on social media, doom scrolling into oblivion. im moving in 3 weeks and people dont even have the thought to call me up and get lunch with me.
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